I've volunteered to be a Youth Leader now
And I feel so out of the loop. Today we were making a list of the kids who might come on our big kickoff trip. And all the other leaders could name like 10 kids each. Right off the top of their heads. I sat there....mute. It was all I could do just to remember the list of names, let alone try and put faces to them. I felt so insignificant kinda.
I'm really worried about how much of an impact I'll be able to have on this Youth. I see people like Nathan, Kim, Beau, Mitch, and Meredith; these people just blow me away with the passion I see in them.
I have a pretty good idea what my gifts are in this world. I'm not a natural leader like Nate is. I don't have this deep spiritual relationship with God like Kim. I couldn't even hope to ever have as much love and joy in my heart as Beau does, his body matches his heart. I don't even think I'm fit to be compared to these people whom I have so much respect for. No, those aren't my areas of specialty. Even the things other people probably think I'm good at, I don't think I'm very good at. It's rare for me to be satisfied with something I've done. There's always a way I could have done it better, faster, easier. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, scenarios of missed opportunities playing over and over again in my head. Things I've done wrong, or just not done at all. They haunt me, specters I can't shake.
I can easily see myself falling into the role of the guy who works behind the scenes. Coasting through, being helpful, but not having any real impact on anybody. I don't want to be that guy.
I measure my success by how many people would attend my funeral if I died tomorrow.
I try to make sure that number grows every year. It’s a theoretical number... But it’s the best measurement I can think of.
-Unknown
I'm really worried about how much of an impact I'll be able to have on this Youth. I see people like Nathan, Kim, Beau, Mitch, and Meredith; these people just blow me away with the passion I see in them.
I have a pretty good idea what my gifts are in this world. I'm not a natural leader like Nate is. I don't have this deep spiritual relationship with God like Kim. I couldn't even hope to ever have as much love and joy in my heart as Beau does, his body matches his heart. I don't even think I'm fit to be compared to these people whom I have so much respect for. No, those aren't my areas of specialty. Even the things other people probably think I'm good at, I don't think I'm very good at. It's rare for me to be satisfied with something I've done. There's always a way I could have done it better, faster, easier. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, scenarios of missed opportunities playing over and over again in my head. Things I've done wrong, or just not done at all. They haunt me, specters I can't shake.
I can easily see myself falling into the role of the guy who works behind the scenes. Coasting through, being helpful, but not having any real impact on anybody. I don't want to be that guy.
I measure my success by how many people would attend my funeral if I died tomorrow.
I try to make sure that number grows every year. It’s a theoretical number... But it’s the best measurement I can think of.
-Unknown
posted by ThePassionateChef at 1:12 AM
3 Comments:
Josh, continue to be available and open, be yourself and depend on God for the rest. Life is not about the impact we make ourselves, it's about the impact Christ makes through us. Because you care, that perfectionistic part of you will continue to shape you into someone who is thoughtful and sensitive, able to comfort and encourage in a time of need.
You're doing a great job, the food is amazing!
you are a great person in your own way. You are not meant to be compared to any of those people. God does not compare you AT ALL to any of them. So we should learn not to compare ourselves. (talking about both of us here)
you love the kitchen and you are doing great. You were also gone for a while. That would help you to be out of the loop. You are a great influence and quite frankly I am glad and proud to have my son grow up around you.
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