I'm lost now
Ever since the beginning of my senior year in highschool, I've known exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be a chef, I wanted to be a really good chef and travel the world, seeing new things and meeting people. Ever since then I've chased after that goal with everything I have.
The last 6 weeks has changed all that. I no longer know what my goals in life are, whether I should be working, or relaxing, or even if I should be here at home.
For some reason, my boss at the Hyatt in Chesapeake Bay decided he didn't like me, or that I wasn't fit for the position I was in. He set out to find any and every excuse he could to see that I was disciplined for each and every minor infraction I incurred. And there were some. I'm not going to say I'm a perfect employee, I often bite off more than I can chew, and miss details that shouldn't be missed. But it was only from a deep-rooted fear of being normal that chased me to reach for those things I couldn't reach.
The chef got what he wanted, I made mistakes, he punished me for them, to the maximum extent he could. And I lost my job. Whatever his motives and methods, whether they were iron-fisted or not, it still lost me my job. At first, I attempted to look around for a new place to work under the conditions of my work visa, all I needed was someone willing to sponsor me for the remainder of my 18 months. (about 5 months by then)
I was fired Thursday, I found out monday night that a close friend of mine, Tasha Barry. Had died. She was hit by a train while trying to take a photograph. Pronounced brain dead, kept alive for 2 days in hope they could harvest her organs, then allowed to pass on Monday.
At that point, I gave up, I wrapped up what loose ends I could in Maryland. Said goodbye to the friends I had made, and came home.
So now, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want to return to the business that ate up a year of my life, and kept me from the people (person)that I truly care about. Then tossed me out when it had decided I wasn't the right sort of person for it. I don't want to sit at home all my life, freeloading off of my parents and being a drain. I don't want to work at a meaningless job I don't care about for pennies. I certainly don't want to work for a big corporation that sees me more as a figure on a piece of paper than as a person.
So what do I do?
I miss her, I miss her every single day.
The last 6 weeks has changed all that. I no longer know what my goals in life are, whether I should be working, or relaxing, or even if I should be here at home.
For some reason, my boss at the Hyatt in Chesapeake Bay decided he didn't like me, or that I wasn't fit for the position I was in. He set out to find any and every excuse he could to see that I was disciplined for each and every minor infraction I incurred. And there were some. I'm not going to say I'm a perfect employee, I often bite off more than I can chew, and miss details that shouldn't be missed. But it was only from a deep-rooted fear of being normal that chased me to reach for those things I couldn't reach.
The chef got what he wanted, I made mistakes, he punished me for them, to the maximum extent he could. And I lost my job. Whatever his motives and methods, whether they were iron-fisted or not, it still lost me my job. At first, I attempted to look around for a new place to work under the conditions of my work visa, all I needed was someone willing to sponsor me for the remainder of my 18 months. (about 5 months by then)
I was fired Thursday, I found out monday night that a close friend of mine, Tasha Barry. Had died. She was hit by a train while trying to take a photograph. Pronounced brain dead, kept alive for 2 days in hope they could harvest her organs, then allowed to pass on Monday.
At that point, I gave up, I wrapped up what loose ends I could in Maryland. Said goodbye to the friends I had made, and came home.
So now, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want to return to the business that ate up a year of my life, and kept me from the people (person)that I truly care about. Then tossed me out when it had decided I wasn't the right sort of person for it. I don't want to sit at home all my life, freeloading off of my parents and being a drain. I don't want to work at a meaningless job I don't care about for pennies. I certainly don't want to work for a big corporation that sees me more as a figure on a piece of paper than as a person.
So what do I do?
I miss her, I miss her every single day.
posted by ThePassionateChef at 10:17 PM
3 Comments:
i wish i could say something profound and comforting
but honestly, there is nothing i can think of to say
you are loved, you have meaning and purpose and i hope that you can feel peace soon as to what that may be at this point in your life
but maybe its nothing more right now that you are being called to be than just a son and a friend
(((HUGS)))
I can understand you missing her. So painful. if you ever want to talk know I am here.
You will find a passion again. Maybe try to work in different areas or even in YOUR area of expertise (cause you are so good at it!) at different locations. God will make something fall into place. I think He already is working something out.
(((HUGS)))
me too man,
~T~
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