I'm lost now
Ever since the beginning of my senior year in highschool, I've known exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be a chef, I wanted to be a really good chef and travel the world, seeing new things and meeting people. Ever since then I've chased after that goal with everything I have.
The last 6 weeks has changed all that. I no longer know what my goals in life are, whether I should be working, or relaxing, or even if I should be here at home.
For some reason, my boss at the Hyatt in Chesapeake Bay decided he didn't like me, or that I wasn't fit for the position I was in. He set out to find any and every excuse he could to see that I was disciplined for each and every minor infraction I incurred. And there were some. I'm not going to say I'm a perfect employee, I often bite off more than I can chew, and miss details that shouldn't be missed. But it was only from a deep-rooted fear of being normal that chased me to reach for those things I couldn't reach.
The chef got what he wanted, I made mistakes, he punished me for them, to the maximum extent he could. And I lost my job. Whatever his motives and methods, whether they were iron-fisted or not, it still lost me my job. At first, I attempted to look around for a new place to work under the conditions of my work visa, all I needed was someone willing to sponsor me for the remainder of my 18 months. (about 5 months by then)
I was fired Thursday, I found out monday night that a close friend of mine, Tasha Barry. Had died. She was hit by a train while trying to take a photograph. Pronounced brain dead, kept alive for 2 days in hope they could harvest her organs, then allowed to pass on Monday.
At that point, I gave up, I wrapped up what loose ends I could in Maryland. Said goodbye to the friends I had made, and came home.
So now, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want to return to the business that ate up a year of my life, and kept me from the people (person)that I truly care about. Then tossed me out when it had decided I wasn't the right sort of person for it. I don't want to sit at home all my life, freeloading off of my parents and being a drain. I don't want to work at a meaningless job I don't care about for pennies. I certainly don't want to work for a big corporation that sees me more as a figure on a piece of paper than as a person.
So what do I do?
I miss her, I miss her every single day.
The last 6 weeks has changed all that. I no longer know what my goals in life are, whether I should be working, or relaxing, or even if I should be here at home.
For some reason, my boss at the Hyatt in Chesapeake Bay decided he didn't like me, or that I wasn't fit for the position I was in. He set out to find any and every excuse he could to see that I was disciplined for each and every minor infraction I incurred. And there were some. I'm not going to say I'm a perfect employee, I often bite off more than I can chew, and miss details that shouldn't be missed. But it was only from a deep-rooted fear of being normal that chased me to reach for those things I couldn't reach.
The chef got what he wanted, I made mistakes, he punished me for them, to the maximum extent he could. And I lost my job. Whatever his motives and methods, whether they were iron-fisted or not, it still lost me my job. At first, I attempted to look around for a new place to work under the conditions of my work visa, all I needed was someone willing to sponsor me for the remainder of my 18 months. (about 5 months by then)
I was fired Thursday, I found out monday night that a close friend of mine, Tasha Barry. Had died. She was hit by a train while trying to take a photograph. Pronounced brain dead, kept alive for 2 days in hope they could harvest her organs, then allowed to pass on Monday.
At that point, I gave up, I wrapped up what loose ends I could in Maryland. Said goodbye to the friends I had made, and came home.
So now, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want to return to the business that ate up a year of my life, and kept me from the people (person)that I truly care about. Then tossed me out when it had decided I wasn't the right sort of person for it. I don't want to sit at home all my life, freeloading off of my parents and being a drain. I don't want to work at a meaningless job I don't care about for pennies. I certainly don't want to work for a big corporation that sees me more as a figure on a piece of paper than as a person.
So what do I do?
I miss her, I miss her every single day.
posted by ThePassionateChef at 10:17 PM
3 comments
